Infinity.2

Fred Phelps is coming to Washington, DC, with his cult of “God Hates Fags” followers.
I don’t know what to say. I’m appalled and terrified, infuriated and frustrated-there’s nothing I can do but watch, really. Especially as they specifically take time out of their oh-so-busy schedule of spreading the hate, so we can “know the prophets of God have been among them”. Right. Because that’s honestly going to change the minds of teenagers-look, teens are already pig-headed, straightforward and convinced they’re right. Bringing in a far-right organization to a far-left school is just asking for trouble, but hopefully things will turn out alright. From what I’ve been told, GHF (since I don’t want to keep saying their actual name…) isn’t violent, which is good, but it’s still shocking that they’re bothering to come at all, in my opinion. We’re a crazy school, sure, but it seems a little much. I don’t know how we’re going to respond to all of this-there’s a meeting tomorrow (today, technically) for all of us to figure it out.

In less exciting news, today was a fail, pardon my colloquialism. I ate. A lot. I began the day without breakfast, which usually keeps me on the right track, had a salad for lunch…then brought in Chinese candy for my Chinese class we had lying around the house. And I ate it. And I still don’t feel well from it. But that didn’t stop me from eating salmon, Tagalongs, crackers, wheat thins and honey bunches of oats when I got home, after running for a mile. Maybe I should have thought more about my name, just making it ‘pig’ or perhaps ‘piglet’, to be sensitive. No, wait, the time for sensitivity is over-I must be harsh and blunt with myself. I know a lot of the anxiety came from the fact I have a Chinese test tomorrow I’m semi-prepared for and still kinda-studying for now, and plan to return to studying that (no sleep tonight! but that’s nothing new), and a History test the next day I’m not prepared for in the least. I spent the afternoon doing props stuff then sneaked out to go run for ten minutes at the gym (not that it really helped much), and, well, that was most of it. I wasn’t home until after eight, and I’ve attempted my Chemistry homework, which we hadn’t learned in class, read a chapter of Invisible Man, eaten my brains out, and there’s still studying to do. And, of course, chatted with some people about the Fred Phelps ordeal.

The most pressing matter I have right now, perhaps literally: I cannot defecate. TMI, right? Well, you know what, it’s a problem, but if you find this stuff gross, simply skip this paragraph. For one, I understand it isn’t the best conversation, but it needs to be brought up. I can’t be the only one suffering with knotted bowels-I swear, it’s like I have eighteen feet more intestine than everyone else. I haven’t ‘gone’ since Saturday, maybe even Friday, and I’m finally starting to feel it. My weight hasn’t gone up (although it will tomorrow…so I’m not going to weigh myself, for once), but I feel bloated and crampy and I’m gonna have to take serious action. I took some Miralax, fantastic stuff, my doctor put me on it for a year and it worked nicely, except for the occasional gas. I’ve been constipated longer than I can remember-some of my most vivid childhood memories are of the dreaded Enema, since there was nothing else that could be done to help poor seven-year-old me. I guess I’ve just always been anal. Anyhow, we’ll see how that works, since the swallow-able pills generally don’t work for me anymore and I don’t want to take any glycerin sort of things are unpleasant, to say the least, and I don’t plan to go back to my seven year old days, ever. I’d rather hold it in and go to the hospital. At least I’d miss a day of school. I did miss a day of school due to constipation once-worst cramps ever, nobody’s period can compare.

Moving on. Tomorrow I will post a food diary on here, to make myself fully realize what I’m eating and share it, along with an exercise log. I will be living on coffee, since I have to “wake up” in less than five hours anyhow, so I’ll go get some sleep and wake up to more studying soon. I will not weigh myself, because I’ll just be depressed and eat more (entirely counterproductive and cyclical, hence the problem I’m having), and I will not be going on the bike in the morning, a ten-minute wake-up I did the previous week without eating in the morning and actually being happy. I will be drinking a large, stomach-moving cup of coffee and hope it works before we go to school, or at least soon enough where we can turn back, because if it comes I’m not going to school on time if I can work it, even if it means being late for Calculus (we have a sub anyway, so it doesn’t matter much). I will, however, go to kickboxing at night, even though I have a History test the next day and no sleep from tonight. I won’t fall asleep on the kitchen floor where I’m typing now, even though it’s tempting with my pillow and blanket, although I probably won’t bother changing out of my smelly gym clothes from my run.

In short, the next two days are going to suck because of tests, food, and the normal amount of work I have to do. Mother promises college will be easier, especially if I’m thin. Well, one way or another, we’ll see.

Stheno